*starts crying* i just really like mashed potatoes
when somebody acts in a way that repulses you but cant speak up about it
i ordered pizza and i was like ‘hey sorry you have to work on thanksgiving’ to the delivery girl and she was like ‘i feel worse for the person ordering pizza on thanksgiving’ ouch
what do you call a plate with a condom on it?
thats okay you can condomplate it for a bit
A MOSQUITO TRIED TO BITE ME AND I SLAPPED IT AND KILLED IT AND I STARTED THINKING LIKE IT WAS JUST TRYING TO GET FOOD WHAT IF I WENT TO THE FRIDGE AND IT JUST SLAMMED THE DOOR SHUT AND SNAPPED MY NECK HOW WOULD I FEEL
are u okay
i’m going to make a blog called so-unrelatable and i’m just going to go through really obscure tags reblogging things like “does anyone else hate it when you’re going antiquing and you drop your vibrator into a priceless arabesque vase and the entire table starts bumpin and you just gotta be like Oh My God These Antiques Are Haunted”
mom: did you get your grades back?
mom: really? cause your teacher called.
so today it snowed for the first time this year and ive naturally been online all day and didnt know so i went to take out the garbage in bare feet and stepped in an inch snow and i just yelled "what the fUCK" and i just heard my neighbour in his backyard go “oh my god she’s outside”
*sees attractive boy*
*does the breathing in bit from radioactive by imagine dragons*